My Children, The Destroyers

Sometimes having two kids under the age of three is like living was a swarm of locust. All I have to do is turn my back for a diaper change or pee really fast with the door open, and something crazy may happen. Yes, sometimes I pee with the door open. No, not to be weird. It makes it easier to listen.

Of course, I’m listening to make sure the kids sound like they are out of harm’s way. I am listening for the obvious stuff like crashes and thuds and screams, even though our house is about as baby/toddler/kid proofed as you can get. I am also listening for silence, the true sound of destruction. Think that’s crazy? Well you wouldn’t if you came back from a completely quiet bathroom break to an entire bottle of baby powder emptied on the living room floor, consequently ruining the vacuum. We ended up having to spend an unplanned couple hundred bucks on a random Wednesday. At least we love our new vacuum!

Thanks to a string of these types of incidents, we need new carpet. There is a new trail of stains from a dark kids Boost drink along the far side of the living room, even though the kids aren’t supposed to eat or drink in there. It’s positioned just off centered and out of the way enough that a rug couldn’t cover it without looking out of place.

This is the reason why we haven’t gotten new furniture even though we need it. My son got into our child proofed junk drawer, got a sharpie, and made a lopsided smiley face on the arm of the couch. Had this been a new piece of furniture that I loved and just paid for, I would have been upset. Real upset. Now I am just going to invest in a cover and wait till it’s safer before getting a new couch.

Really, the speed in which they can destroy things is something to be marveled. It’s like a reverse superpower. Having trouble figuring out what you are looking at here? I did when my husband texted it to me. It’s his keyboard. Yep, somehow our son was able to remove keys off a keyboard. Have you ever tried to do that? It’s pretty hard. So is removing screwed in rods from a magazine rack without a screw driver, but that happened too.

ruined keyboard


Besides destroying things at break neck speeds, my children are equally accomplished at making messes. This I don’t mind as much. Yeah, it can be frustrating, but it’s usually less expensive than them ruining something. Plus, well, they are kids. Kids make messes. I realize that’s part of the gig, and they are starting to do a better job of picking up after themselves.

Why do shoes need to be put in closets or drawers anyway?

All shoes out


Pulling every book off the shelf makes for a better nap, right?

books on the floor


This is teamwork in action! Of course what they were “looking” for was at the very bottom.

empying toy box

So I am just going to wait till they are a little older before making any big or expensive purchases since I never know what a day with a few toddlers will have in store.


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