Family

Parents, before I had kids I judged you. I’m sorry.

Before becoming a mom I was an aunt for 15 years and had worked in after school programs for 5 years. I thought that meant I knew kids. I thought that gave me the right to be annoyed when you could not control your kid’s meltdown at the store or did not respond immediately when they called your name for the hundredth time. Oh yes, I thought I knew it all. For that I would like to say that I was wrong, and I am sorry.

The thing about not having kids and being a really good aunt is that you get to be fun with the kids more than responsible. Then you get to go home and sleep (or take an uninterrupted shower, watch a show without singing inanimate objects, eat sitting down for an entire meal etc. . .)

If you do not have kids the thing about being a really good youth worker is that you get to be on your very best game with the kids whenever you see them. Even if you are tired, for those few hours you can totally be on point, engaged, and correcting every behavior appropriately. Also, you probably are not taking really young kids on boring errands that have to be ran. So if my 3 year old is sleepy and can’t hold it together until we leave the grocery store, am I supposed to leave the milk that my other baby needs so he doesn’t disturb you? Go ahead and have an opinion. Then you get to go home and sleep (or take an uninterrupted shower, watch a show without singing inanimate objects, eat sitting down for an entire meal etc. . .)

Also, parents are their kids’ most comfortable and secure place. Kids may save their worst behaviors for their parents. Keep in mind too that kids are born with different dispositions and have different needs. So you can witness a tantrum, have an opinion on it. Then you get to go home and sleep (or take an uninterrupted shower, watch a show without singing inanimate objects, eat sitting down for an entire meal etc. . .)

Being a parent is constant, and when you see something you are only seeing a small piece of the entire picture. Some days we are on schedule, well behaved, eating without being picky, and picking up after ourselves. If you see a piece of us on those days, I bet I look like I am rocking this whole parenting thing.

Then other times one of the kids may have started teething. Even though we were on a good schedule, now they have been up for a week straight. Now I have only gotten a few hours of consecutive sleep for several days before having to go pretend to function like a normal person at work. If a childless, well rested person saw a piece of us on one of those days, I may not look so great to them.

Becoming a mom has made me way less judgmental. There are some scum bag people in this world who should not have the privilege of being parents, but I realize now that most people are just trying their hardest to do the best by their children within their circumstances. I am not saying that everyone without children judges parents. I am saying that I did, and I am sorry.

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33 thoughts on “Parents, before I had kids I judged you. I’m sorry.

  1. Me too. I just read a post about judging others parenting recently. I will say here, what I said there….
    It’s difficult to remember in those moments, when someone is making a mistake you wouldn’t…that you made mistakes too, maybe not the same ones, but mistakes none the less. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I’m stopping by via Susie’s blog party. I think this is a universal experience for parents. I found I had to watch for “judgment creep.” When my kids were infants, I stopped judging parents of infants, but still had some judgment left for parents of toddlers. When I only had one child, it was easy to judge parents of two…. etc. Now that I have teenagers, I think I’ve finally learned how to completely let go.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It’s so easy to do, and it seems like sometimes when somebody is out of a phase with their kids they forget what it’s like in the trenches.
      And teenagers? Yikes! I can’t imagine!

      Thanks for stopping by. I’m going to head over and check your blog out too:)

      Liked by 1 person

  3. For you to have the courage to admit that says a lot about your character.

    I’ve been a parent since I was sixteen and still judge people’s parenting skills including my own. 😀

    But I agree some people shouldn’t be parents by no means.

    I seen this post over at Nikki’s meet and greet and the title made me click.

    I’m going to look around some more while I’m here.

    Thanks for your honesty.
    Vernon

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Yes and sorry for all the times I rolled my eyes every time you showed pictures of your kids on Facebook. I believe I now hold the record for “Kid Photo Sharing”, so I humbly take back every single eye roll and say to you “I get it now.” lol

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Oh man yes! Like you almost felt sorry for the parents that did that because they didn’t have anything else to post/talk about it, or at least I did. Now I’m the WORST about it, but my kids are my life. So I get it.

      Like

  5. Not a parent (yet!) but an aunt many times over and I can completely relate to every word of this article. Baby-sitting quite a few tiny terrors has given me fresh respect for every parent I meet with well behaved children. And a healthy dose of sympathy for parents of kids having an off day.

    Keep up the fight!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Yes. This. Exactly.

    I feel the same. I had so many ideas about what kind of parent I would be before I actually had kids. It goes so much more smoothly when it’s inside your head and your pretend kids respond to you reasonable parenting dialogue exactly how they’re supposed to, lol

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Hahaha! I can relate! I’m a live-in Grandma helping my daughter raise three kids and still make mistakes! Not the same mistakes I made with my daughter, but hey, I’m creative, so I keep making new ones! Lol!

    I agree, there’s some people who just shouldn’t be parents!

    Peace,
    Tamara

    Like

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