The Truth About Being a Breadwinning Mama


“The most natural progression for you would to move into a full support role within the department, ” my manager told me from the other side of a desk in a small office.

We sat for a long, awkward moment before I answered. “I know I shouldn’t tell my supervisor this. This isn’t what I am “supposed” to say to you, but I don’t want to move up right now. I am happy were I am at as an admin. I am good at what I do. Plus you guys give me enough extra work outside of my regular duties that challenges me. So I am not bored.

My 2 years here have been great. Before working here and since becoming a mom I was never home on time or if I was I would end up having to work from home. My family is finally in a decent place with our schedule and financially, thanks to this job.  If I move up in any other position I know that I will probably have to work some nights, weekends, or travel. I don’t want to do that right now.  I am happy where I am at.”

“Okay,” he responded.

The truth is, I am a working mom, and my husband is a stay-at-home dad. . . .

This is my latest piece published on the Oklahoma City Moms Blog site. Read the rest by clicking here.



16 thoughts on “The Truth About Being a Breadwinning Mama

    1. Same here. SAME.

      I’m a SAHM who struggles with feeling like she “threw away her education” or is being too traditional and has to deal with snarky comments from her former friends (who are still childless and don’t seem to get the choices we face).

      But if I were working, I’d feel guilty about that too. I think we’re all dealing with a ton of guilt and judgement.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Lacey this is awesome– so frank and honest and I’m sure reflects a lot of moms in our circumstances. You’re right, at some level, money does relieve stress. Since we’re both retired, we’re watching pennies we didn’t have to watch before. But it’s what we chose as the best for us now. You know I love your blog! hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know working moms/stay at home dads are more common these days, but I don’t know how common. My husband I think is still one of the only dads in the pick up line at school. It’s hard not to get jealous :/

      Yes, that’s true. You are in the same kind of situation. I can’t wait to be at the retirement stage of penny pinching 🙂

      Thank you, RHonda. I think you are the very best!


      1. I know I would feel the same way Lacey if I were working and Larry was home with kids. It has to been hard every morning to be the one going out the door. I admire you for doing what’s bests for your family for now. You are an amazing person Lacey. hugs!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. You know, I have a lot of sympathy for SAHD’s because it must be isolating. I felt really lonely as a SAHM for the first couple of years because I lost the social work interactions and so many of my friends didn’t have kids and I couldn’t go out with them much anymore.

        I was thinking that back when most moms stayed at home, there would’ve been more women around to talk to and hang out with. Now I live next to a woman who runs a daycare and we hang out all the time… it’s so much better.

        But there aren’t that many SAHD’s, and it would be awkward for them to hang out with a random woman. I wonder if they have real issues with loneliness.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Erin, that’s so crazy. I had a friend make almost the same
        Comment to me on the phone no more than half an hour ago.
        I think it must be, and I should maybe be more proactive about talking to him about it. I don’t know that he’s think to bring it up. And you right, it would be weird to hang out with a sahm. I trust him, but it feels maybe not appropriate? Maybe there’s a post worth visiting in this.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Well, I was surprised by how lonely stay-at-home parenting can be… you live in a ghost town, with everyone at work, and I never realized how much interaction we get at our jobs.

        Hanging with kids is great, but not the same as talking to another grownup. I’ve finally found pockets of women that are also home (watching kids, or working from home, etc) but imagine the sheer lack of dads at home would make it much harder.

        He could be on the introverted side (my husband is) but it couldn’t hurt to check. I think SAHM’s evolved a lot of social groups to deal with it, but dads may have a harder time.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Yeah he’s totally introverted. Mostly I don’t think he minds too much, but there’s times where I think I can tell he needs to get out and talk to someone besides me :/

        Liked by 1 person

      6. It does! I love my kids to pieces, but kids aren’t an equal energy give & take like grownups are. I’m guessing loneliness is one of the top stressors for stay at home parents because you spend most of your waking hours with no one your age to talk to… you have to make an effort to get social interaction. I hadn’t realized how much it was bothering me until my situation changed.

        Liked by 1 person

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