Family

I’m not ready.

Lacey

I have got just over a week and a half of maternity leave left. I am not ready to go back to work. It is not because of my job. They are great and beyond supportive.

It is just that by now I thought we would be in a routine of longer sleep intervals and doing things during the day to enjoy this fall weather. But we are still sleeping about two hours at a time. I am still napping a lot during the day and not getting much else finished. I am worried about how I will be able to function at work, especially without coffee!

I wanted to be rested so I could spend more time with the bigger kids. Instead I find myself saying to them nonstop ‘I’m tired’.

I thought since this was the third time around and having support at home that that would make this leave easier somehow. I guess the sleep cycles of newborn stage is just hard, and my expectations were too high.

More than anything though how am I going to be away from this face all day? I’m not ready.

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24 thoughts on “I’m not ready.”

  1. Be kind and gentle to yourself. “Ready” is simply how you define it. And it’s not about perfection. Instead of “I can’t”, think about “When I am tired, I can…”, or “When I miss her, I can…” and your answers might include things like tap a nap at work, drink coffee, go home. Give yourself the freedom to choose to feel less overwhelmed. It is hard.

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  2. What an adorable baby! I can’t imagine maternity leave ever being long enough unless it lasted til baby was 5 years old lol. Hope your first day back at work goes smoothly & you are able to sleep more!! ♡

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  3. Ok first of of… she is precious! I never had to deal with this, but I can only imagine how hard it will be for you. You are a mom. You will figure out a way to make it work, that’s what moms do. Maybe when you have to get up, showered, dressed and go function at work, things will begin to smooth out just because it is something different. you will get there. and just think, you’ll come home to your three precious kiddos and smile

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  4. She is adorable Lacey. Hugs and kisses to her. I can understand your feeling. But that is a hard reality that we moms have to face. And believe me, we will never say , “yes, I am now ready for it”. Nah! It’s always gonna be an unready state from which we have to gradually make a transition.

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  5. Oh Lacey, what a sweetheart! Sending so much love and Light to you, to your work situation, to his sleep patterns 🙂 , and to your next steps. May each day be a huge blessing of lovingkindness. So glad to see you here on wordpress. Know that you are so supported by this community. Blessings, Debbie

    ps – when you’re ready, I’d like to gift you a post pregnancy forgiveness coaching session. No rush – in your perfect timing. ❤

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    1. I love my wordpress community and you Debbie. Thank you.
      Oh you are so generous. I still need to mail you my thank you card from our first session! I’ll email you to get your new address, and now it’ll include baby pictures:)

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  6. Such a sweet little face. I understand your dilemma, but you’ll do fine. Follow your own muse on this one, you’ll know how to handle things. Be good to you first, then it’ll all fall into place.

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  9. Gosh Lacey– She is so so precious!! that little fist up my her face!! You’re right, she’ll be hard to leave behind every day. But I feel like I know you– and you’ll be OK. Get though it with grace. I’m praying for you when I pray for my own kids and grandkids– for rest and peace and so much joy in spite of all the dragging tiredness you deal with. You are an amazing Mom. (and selfishly, I’m glad you’re back to blogging– been missing keeping up wit you!) hugs hugs!

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    1. Aw just the comment I needed to read. Thanks Rhonda 🙂 I’m still praying for you too!
      I know it’ll be a transition that we can do. I’m just not ready. Someone mention though that I probably never will be, which is true. Just going to have to jump right back into things.
      I’m missing you too!

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      1. So smart– I think you’re right– ready or not, you just do the things you are called to do. You are amazing– with your writing, reading, mothering, blogging on two sites… Blessings Lacey. xox

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